Meet My Picayune Miracle, Asa Marie
She's v months onetime today!
On May 9, 2014, God spoke to me—not audibly, but inwards the still, little vocalization we’ve all heard described. His message, every bit I jotted downwardly inwards my prayer mag that day, was simple: “We volition lead keep a child. To last named Asa.”
This wasn’t wishful thinking or fifty-fifty an answered prayer. Just weeks before, I’d expressed dubiety over whether I’d e'er lead keep children, though my statement was out of fearfulness to a greater extent than than ambivalence. The summertime before, I’d had a miscarriage; although it happened alone v or half-dozen weeks in—and it was my firstly loss—the sense left me questioning whether babies were actually inwards the cards for me. Perhaps my career was the gift God had chosen to give me, I thought, too slowly, slowly, I closed my pump to the persuasion of children—better non to hope for something that mightiness non happen.
This mightiness audio dramatic (no, it does sound dramatic), but it wasn’t exactly the loss that made me rethink motherhood. In early on 2014, I was diagnosed amongst fibromyalgia. Though non a concluding disease past times whatever stretch—or fifty-fifty a peculiarly life-altering one—it is a status that leaves y'all constantly drained, a Earth I feared was incompatible amongst the demands of kid rearing. I exactly couldn’t imagine playing tag or hide-and-seek when my torso wound constantly.
That’s what made the advert God had spoken to me then significant. In Hebrew, Asa agency “physician” or “cure.” Maybe, I hoped, God would convey healing along amongst His gift of life.
Still, my response to his message was measured—I calmly walked out to the garage where my hubby was working too told him, without preamble, “God exactly told me we’re going to lead keep a infant named Asa.” I’m pretty certainly he said something profound like, “Oh.”
I assumed God meant someday—that Asa was a distant hope to last fulfilled eventually. But God had other plans. Despite our attempts not to larn pregnant, I knew at the get-go of June that I was expecting. Frank kept insisting it was impossible, but I was certain; a pregnancy test, taken days earlier it should lead keep been positive, confirmed my suspicions. Now, I was elated. But I was besides terrified.
I anticipated the worst, too a bout of early-pregnancy haemorrhage alone fueled my fears. I’d ofttimes wake upwards convinced I was no longer pregnant, fearing the life within of me had gone still, fifty-fifty earlier I’d felt the firstly kick. As the months dragged on, it was alone God’s hope that gave me peace. He’d told me Asa was to last born, too God is faithful to his word. Though I’d occasionally allow fearfulness seize my heart, I reminded myself, sometimes several times a day, that God’s innovation is sovereign. His volition is greater than the biological scientific discipline of my body.
When I was exactly 10 weeks along, I bought a white infant dress—one I imagined Asa wearing at her infant dedication—as a hope to myself that I’d shortly last cradling her inwards my arms. I had some other 10 weeks until nosotros institute out the gender, but I was already certainly our infant was a girl. My logic: Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 man child had to last named Frank, after my husband, then Asa must last a girl. Luckily, I was right—I had a cupboard total of daughter clothes past times twenty weeks!
The months passed by, too every bit my belly swelled, the hurting of my fibromyalgia subsided. Yet again, God proved faithful.
Although my due appointment wasn’t until Feb 10th, I joked that Asa would brand it on Jan 28th, the four-year anniversary of when I met Frank. I turned out to last right: Preeclampsia forced me to lead keep a C-section on Jan 28th. Asa came out smiling. She was half-dozen pounds of perfection.
Five months later, I’m yet trying to roll my heed unopen to this novel sort of love, then all encompassing too complete. Like whatever parent, I would give my life for my child. But I can’t fathom giving her life for others—only immediately am I get-go to grasp that God’s gift of His boy for our salvation was genuinely the ultimate sacrifice.
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